Toki Talks - Time commitment into things that matter

2025/08/04

Welcome back!

Another week, another Toki Talks! This past weekend, I did a lot of reflection on how I have been managing my time, and to say the least I didn’t like what I saw in myself.

Commitment to content creation + programming

I realized this past weekend that on average, I was only really taking 20 hours per work-week (Monday → Friday) to study programming. This doesn’t really add up considering that I don’t have a job and spend all day at time. On top of that. My steam records say that I spend approximately 30 hours a week gaming. Therefore, I am spending more time gaming than programming. Why am I spending more time gaming, something that isn’t going to bring more value into my life, instead of practicing and perfecting things that will add value?

I have family visiting for some time next week, so I won’t be available to do our normally scheduled programming (sorry), but afterwards I do plan on streaming Monday → Saturday so I can get my studying hours up! This also does mean that I have to be more rigorous with how I both plan and edit videos for the week :p That’s a net positive for you guys though!

Not chasing creative endeavours

I haven’t been writing or thinking of ideas to make videos on. I haven’t been reading for the past 3-4 months. I haven’t been making music. I’ve either been programming, or spending a copious amount of time aim-training. I’ve been living on autopilot if I’m being honest, filling the time that I spend resting in my day with mindless consumption of content.

I have creative goals that I want to accomplish by the time I turn 25.

I also have goals that aren’t strictly creative

Possible.

I don’t think that these goals are super lofty/out-there for me. I think they are very doable given the time constraints. It’s just that I have been clouding my brain with slop and coping through consuming more slop, which has in turn made my quality of life lower than I’d want it to be. The problem I have with gaming isn’t the gaming itself. It’s how I am when I game. I get shorter, I am very competitive, and I don’t know when to quit. It’s a proper addiction when I get into the flow of it. I am way less productive right now than I was when I didn’t play CS for 4-6 years. Like, it’s noticeable. I am not being lazy due to depression. I am being lazy because I am latching onto dopamine heavy high APM activities because they make me feel productive.

I am a very competitive person. It doesn’t matter what the outlet is. I want to get better. If I win, then I win and I will obviously enjoy it. But if I don’t win, I want to learn why I didn’t win, how the other person was doing better, and observe what I was doing wrong. At the end of the day, I am a grinder. Through and through. I don’t think it’s a problem either. I just have to focus that energy elsewhere in my life that will help me long term and bring me more value.

Conclusion

That’s the end of this week’s Toki Talk! See y’all next week o7