The title doesn’t lie

A bit over a year ago I went rock climbing for the first time, and suffered a pretty annoying concussion. I say it was annoying because I felt pretty find afterwards aside from the brain swelling sending mixed signals to different parts of my body. But I was okay-ish. I have diagnosed OCD and part of my OCD is an increased awareness of my bowels. I am hyper-aware of what goes on down there and it has led to lots of inconveniences in my life. I did go through a stint of IBS at one point a few years ago due to my diet, but that’s been long gone.

Some complications came about through my OCD being affected by what this concussion was telling me, which led be going to the hospital multiple times in 2023 and 2024. I’d put myself through the emergency room because of the amount of pain and discomfort I’d be in. I love my parents, but I didn’t want to inconvenience them. I don’t want to be a burden on them. So for the early stages of me figuring this all out, I didn’t really tell them what was going on. I didn’t really go in-depth. I thought it would all be over soon. Fast forward a year and that couldn’t be farther from the case.

I kept going to the doctor, I saw a colorectal surgeon, a GI specialist, I’ve had a colonoscopy and an MRI with more to come in the future, and finally I got a diagnosis. Crohn’s disease. It’s strange being told you have a life-long illness. Honestly, surgeon told me that there’s a slim chance that I have Crohn’s. I had some of the signs, but there were some major ones that I wasn’t hitting which he found weird. Then over a zoom call with a GI specialist, I was told that I have Crohn’s.

For the past year and some change, I have been an insufferable person. I have been more anal (pun intended) and I haven’t been garnering the audience I wanted in the beginning. I was miserable, some days unable to stream for more than 3 hours due to how uncomfortable I was in my own skin. I felt like laying down and crying because I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. My body shouldn’t be this way. Why do I keep getting sick? Why does it feel like my body is fighting itself? Well funny story; it was.

Crohn’s disease is an autoimmune disease. My stomach, for whatever reason, decides that it’s its job to solve my problems. It attacks both the good and bad bacteria in my stomach which leads to me having a weaker stomach. It attacks both good and bad cells which means I am more at risk at being sick. In its confusion, the side effects start, and the discomfort sets in. This is how I have been living for the past year. It’s dehumanizing knowing that your body is fighting against you. It’s scary knowing that there’s nothing you can immediately do to cure it. It’s scary not being in control. That’s just something I have to get over.

This isn’t to attack sympathy. This is a brief retelling (which lots of information left out) about how I got here, and my reasoning for my being inactive. If you’re reading this, you’re pretty cool. Thank you.